# Bid for connection | VibeLovely glossary

*Published:* 2026-05-11
*Author:* Alex Williams

 By  
 **Alex Williams**  
 Editor-in-Chief


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**Bid for connection.** Another Gottman concept: any small attempt one partner makes to engage the other emotionally, a comment, a question, a touch, a request for attention. Long-term relationships are made or broken by the percentage of bids each partner “turns toward” rather than “turns away from.”

Where the term comes from
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Identified by John and Julie Gottman in their longitudinal research on couples. The bid-for-connection framework emerged from observing that successful couples were not necessarily those with more dramatic shared moments, but those who consistently *turned toward* the small bids each partner made for attention or engagement. Couples who divorced within six years of marriage turned toward bids 33% of the time on average; couples who remained married turned toward bids 86% of the time.

How it shows up in real life
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Your partner says “look at that bird” while you’re reading. The bid is small. Turning toward: looking up, engaging briefly, returning to your book. Turning away: a noncommittal “hmm.” Turning against: “Why are you bothering me, I’m reading.” The bid-and-response cycle happens dozens or hundreds of times a day in healthy relationships. Most go unnoticed; the pattern compounds.

Common misuses
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Bids are not always verbal and not always overt requests for attention. A sigh, a comment about the weather, a question about dinner, these can all be bids. The misreading is treating bids only as “requests for romance” or “quality time”; the framework is much broader.

Related reading
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- [Emotional bids: how to spot them](/love-and-couples/communication/emotional-bids-how-to-spot-them/)
- [Bids for connection](/love-and-couples/communication/bids-for-connection/)
- [The science of the good-morning text](/love-and-couples/communication/science-of-a-good-morning-text/)

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### Cite this article

When citing this article, attribute as: Alex Williams, “Bid for connection | VibeLovely glossary,” *VibeLovely*, May 2026, <https://vibelovely.com/glossary/bid-for-connection/>.


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