# Repair attempts | VibeLovely glossary

*Published:* 2026-05-11
*Author:* Alex Williams

 By  
 **Alex Williams**  
 Editor-in-Chief


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**Repair attempts.** John Gottman’s name for the small verbal and nonverbal moves partners make during conflict to de-escalate, lighten the mood, or signal that the bond is still intact. The presence or absence of repair attempts is one of the strongest predictors of whether a relationship survives ongoing conflict.

Where the term comes from
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Identified by John Gottman in the “Love Lab” research at the University of Washington starting in the 1980s. Gottman’s finding: it is not the absence of conflict that predicts relationship survival, but the presence of effective repair. Couples who have many fights but make consistent repair attempts (and whose partners *receive* them) have better long-term outcomes than couples who have few fights but lack repair-attempt patterns.

How it shows up in real life
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Repair attempts are small. A joke in the middle of a heated moment that you and your partner both laugh at. A hand reaching across the couch. “I love you even when we’re fighting like this.” A self-aware acknowledgment: “I am being defensive right now and I’m going to stop.” A pause and a breath. The repair attempt doesn’t resolve the conflict; it signals that the partnership is bigger than the fight.

Common misuses
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A repair attempt is not the same as an apology, and it does not *require* an apology to be effective. The danger of conflating them: partners can feel pressured to apologize prematurely to “repair” a moment, which often backfires. Repair attempts can simply be presence, humor, or affection in the middle of difficulty.

Related reading
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- [Repair attempts: the small moves that turn a fight](/love-and-couples/communication/repair-attempts-relationship/)
- [The four horsemen](/love-and-couples/communication/4-horsemen-relationship-conflict/)
- [How to apologize over text](/love-and-couples/communication/how-to-apologize-over-text/)

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### Cite this article

When citing this article, attribute as: Alex Williams, “Repair attempts | VibeLovely glossary,” *VibeLovely*, May 2026, <https://vibelovely.com/glossary/repair-attempts/>.


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