Situationship

Situationship is an ongoing romantic or physical involvement that has not been formally labeled as a relationship, even though it may have regular contact, exclusivity, shared time, and most of the practical features of dating.

The term entered mainstream dating vocabulary around 2017 and is now the standard shorthand for the long unlabeled middle that most app-mediated dating moves through. Situationships are not necessarily a problem; the trouble starts when the two people in one have asymmetric wants about whether it should become a relationship and neither has named the gap.

Why situationships happen

App-mediated dating produces a much higher volume of low-investment beginnings than previous eras of dating, which means more relationships hover in the early-middle for longer before either resolving into a labeled partnership or ending. Decision avoidance, the option-paradox of always-on-app dating, and a culture that has grown wary of premature commitment all contribute. The situationship is the structural result, not an individual character flaw.

When it is fine and when it is not

A situationship is fine when both partners genuinely prefer the unlabeled shape, when both understand they may leave it for someone who wants a relationship, and when the practical care between them does not exceed the labeled framework. It becomes a problem when one partner is privately treating it as a pre-relationship and the other is privately treating it as a holding pattern, and the gap has not been said out loud. The unspoken asymmetry is what wounds, not the unlabeled state.

Naming the conversation

The contemporary defining the relationship conversation is what closes the situationship gap. The conversation works best when it asks two questions plainly: what do we each want out of this in the next six months, and are those wants compatible. Both partners benefit from the same answer being said out loud, regardless of which direction the answer goes.

Where it shows up around VibeLovely

Situationship is the most common category named in Dating Apps coverage and in The Desk letters about long, undefined dating.

References

• Anderson, M., Vogels, E. A., Porteus, M., & Baronavski, C. (2020). The virtues and downsides of online dating. Pew Research Center. pewresearch.org
• Reis, H. T. (2017). The interpersonal process model of intimacy. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 12(3), 422-441.
• Match.com. Singles in America survey (annual). singlesinamerica.com
• Frosh, S. (2021, October). The slow death of dating "labels." The Atlantic.