It is indeed painful when a relationship ends with someone you have been sharing your life intimately with. You put your hurt and vulnerability in words such as "ripped open" or "torn apart" to express yourself.
The relationship may end due to several reasons, such as:
- Fading of love
- Becomes unhealthy or toxic
"The thing is that love eventually dies, if the flame is not kept tended to and that is truly sad."Anonymous
"If you are not sure where you stand with someone, then it might be time to start walking."Anonymous
It takes at least 11 weeks to bounce back once the relationship ends (source), whereas it takes around 18 months to heal from the divorce, according to the research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology.
In these months or weeks, you grieve for the shared self that has ceased to exist, even if the relationship became so problematic that it was no longer viable. To live without that person is the only option you have which once was unthoughtful and inconsiderate.
Only time will help you to re-form yourself in the separation from that person.
"I used to think we would never get to end of relationship so fast but now here we are, sadly."Anonymous
"Somethings are better after taking it apart and moving it right in, believe me when I say it."Anonymous
Get in There to Heal
There is a process where you heal with time since it's your relationship that has ended, not your life. It is important to heal against the emptiness and fill the void. It is not easy to look past the unstuck feelings.
However, the quotations below will give you a perspective.
"Just because a relationship ends, it doesn't mean it's not worth having."Sarah Mlynowski
"Death ends a life, not a relationship."Robert Benchley
"Lies don't end relationships, usually the truth does."Anonymous
"Celebrate endings for they precedes new beginning."Jonathon Lockwood Huie
"I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?"Nicholas Sparks
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."Hermen Hesse
"It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else."Phil McGraw
"I need to tell you that we must stop what we have before it becomes more and more toxic now."Anonymous
Untangle Your Identified Stuck Feelings
You may not realize how you are still stuck, however, if you still find yourself saying the following, you may need to untangle:
- What if I bumped up into him/her again? It will be so awkward.
- If he/she ever came in front of me, it would be so cringing. I don't know why.
- I am depressed, and I don't know, but it feels terrible.
"Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness."Steve Maraboli
"It is better for someone to break your heart once by leaving your life, than for them to stay in your life and break your heart continually."Terry Mark
"If a relationship is founded on love it doesn't end."Anonymous
"You learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than at the beginning."Anonymous
If you have ever felt like that, it indicates you pushed your post-relationship trauma under the rug to deal with it later. The latter has to be now so that it's addressed, done, and dusted to move on in life.
"Love is unconditional, relationships are not."Grant Gudmundson
"That’s all you can do in this world, no matter how strong the current beats against you, or how heavy your burden, or how tragic your love story. You keep going."Robyn Schneider
"The end that we had was not the greatest but it had taught me a great deal, that is the truth."Anonymous
Let Go of Overwhelming Feelings
It is necessary to consider that once the relationship is over, anger and sadness overwhelm you. You may need to sit down to identify why it will be awkward, and cringe and describe your feelings termed as upsetting and awful, for example.
In order to do that, you may need to ask:
- Where does it still hurt?
- What makes it awful?
- What is the worst part of ending the relationship?
"The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is."Tigress Luv
In the words of Pascal Leone, "If you want to get past feeling upset, empty, lonely in these very general ways, then you have to take time to focus on the feelings that you have and figure out what hurts the most."
"If love breaks more than a heart, maybe it's a sign and time to step out."Anthony Liccione
"I had to cease to mourn what could never be and make the most of what was possible. And I would begin doing that by trying to mend the hurts of the past."Cameron Dokey
"Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve."Anonymous
"Even the best things in this life can fall apart as we are now at the end of relationship, love."Anonymous
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."Marilyn Monroe
"Look and see and realize that the world is better without him in it, you were right to end it."Anonymous
Break the Cycle of Self-blame
When a relationship ends, a lot of people think that maybe it's their fault that they weren't enough.
They blame themselves for being unlovable, uninteresting, and even incompetent to the point that they keep beating themselves up about the relationship that is already over. They are trapped in a cycle of self-blame.
"We all deserve to be with the ones that make us happy, not the ones that make us miserable."Anonymous
"Poisonous relationships can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless. But you’re not worthless. You’re under-appreciated."Steve Maraboli
"No partner in a love relationship should feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable"May Sarton
"Sometimes it takes heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for."Mandy Hale
"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's an experience."Victoria Holt
In order to push yourself out of the vicious cycle, you need to keep telling yourself the chance of change, and better endings life has thrown your way.
"Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change."Shannon L. Alder
"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life."Joel Osteen
"Life is not meant for you to be sad and to sulk around, it is meant to be lived thoroughly now."
Accept that the End Was Meant to Happen
Acceptance comes eventually; however, it's important to remind yourself often that:
- My past relationship never valued me, and I need to feel I matter.
- He/she made me feel I am disposable and I need to have my dignity.
- That previous relationship never valued me, and I need someone who knows the real me.
"Sooner or later we’ve all got to let go of our past."Dan Brown
"The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did."Faraaz Kazi
"Your heart breaks when you find a love that is not for you, so just let love to find you up."Anonymous
The acceptance will help you curb the anger and sadness away slowly. It will boost you to move on and look ahead in life. You will also feel the much-needed change within you.
"The wrong person will give you less than what you’re worth but that doesn’t mean that you have to accept it"Sonya Parker
"You cannot start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last."Anonymous
"If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings."Christopher Morley
"It is the now that matters, forget about the ending, and just look forward to the new beginning."Anonymous
Put up a Little Tombstone for the Previous Relationship
It is time to say goodbye to the hopes and dreams that you have had together. This means expressing your anger and sadness to vent out in order to close this chapter of life.
"I thought I was strong holding on to you but I was stronger when I was letting you go now."Anonymous
"It was strange, really. A couple months ago, I had thought I couldn’t live without him. Apparently I could."Gabrielle Zevin
Moving on is not easy, and while expressing yourself, you will find a lot of questions unanswered. However, what is important is to take absorb and explore life ahead one moment at a time.
It will require effort and time, which is actually a critical part of working through a relationship.
"It emerges, you feel it, you express it and then you are done."Pascual Leone
"Maybe we are never meant for each other, we were just mean to be a lesson to one another."Anonymous
"We all face hardships, it is just some relationships do not survive it while other has and will."Anonymous
"You changed and so did I and realised that we are just not made for each other, simple as it."Anonymous
"Sometimes we must undergo hardships, breakups, and narcissistic wounds, which shatter the flattering image that we had of ourselves, in order to discover two truths: that we are not who we thought we were; and that the loss of a cherished pleasure is not necessarily the loss of true happiness and well-being."Jean-Yves Leloup
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?Mary Manin Morrissey
You must have heard, "What happens, happens for good." Indeed there are some lessons for you to ponder upon that will help you to grow out of your relationship and emotional crisis.
You might be feeling emptiness and sadness in your life currently, but nothing lasts forever. Consider this time in your life as a time of sowing seeds for the new life ahead. You can get out of it this experience as a stronger, wiser, and better person.
Lastly, it is important to understand what happened and acknowledge your part. It is significant for the healthy relationships that life will give you ahead.
Remember, not every relationship ends like this one. Stay firm and positive about what the future holds for you.
"I think the universe meant for us to let go and just start something new with another person."Anonymous
"Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs."Marianne Faithfull