Hostess gift

Hostess gift is the small token a guest brings to thank the host of a dinner, party, or overnight stay.

Modern hostess-gift practice has loosened from the formal bouquet of an earlier era into a wider range of acceptable options. The point is not the form, it is the demonstrated thought: a guest who shows up with something they chose rather than something they grabbed at the convenience store is registering, gently, that they take the hospitality seriously.

What works

A bottle of wine or champagne (don't expect it to be served that night, the host has planned a pairing). A candle from a reasonably good maker. A small potted plant or flowers already arranged in a vase (cut flowers without a vase create work for the host at the moment of arrival, which is the opposite of the goal). A small box of nice chocolates or preserves. A book the host would actually want to read. A loaf of bread from a good bakery. None has to cost more than $20 to land well.

What does not

Anything that requires the host to find a vase, peel a label off, transfer to another container, or otherwise immediately deal with at the door. Anything that calls attention to itself disproportionately. Cash. Generic gas-station bouquets. Wine that is clearly cheaper than the wine the host is serving. Gifts that are really tailored to the giver rather than the recipient (the bottle of bourbon brought to the host who does not drink, the loud candle for the host with scent sensitivity).

Overnight stays vs dinner parties

An overnight stay typically calls for a slightly more substantial gift than a single dinner, both because the host's labor is larger and because the guest will be in the house long enough to learn what the host actually likes. A thoughtful hostess gift after a weekend visit is often given on departure rather than at arrival, a small package or note left behind on the kitchen counter, which lets the gift respond to what the visit actually revealed.

Where it shows up around VibeLovely

Hostess gift is a recurring topic in The Desk: Gifts and runs through the Rites & Etiquette desk's coverage.

References

• Post, P., Post, A., Post, L., & Senning, D. P. (2017). Emily Post's Etiquette (19th ed.). William Morrow.
• Emily Post Institute. The host and hostess gift. emilypost.com
• Martha Stewart. The art of the hostess gift. marthastewart.com
• Vanderbilt, A. (1995). Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette (Rev. ed.). Doubleday.