Orbiting

Orbiting is the term for the modern post-breakup or post-ghost pattern in which the disappearing person stops communicating directly but continues to engage with the other person's life on social media, story views, old-photo likes, occasional comments, all without any direct contact.

Anna Iovine coined the modern usage at Man Repeller in 2018, naming a pattern most app-dating-era daters had experienced without a word for it. The disorienting feature of orbiting is that the orbiter signals continuous awareness, while declining any actual contact, which leaves the orbited person stuck between treating them as gone and treating them as present.

Why it happens

Orbiters are usually not strategizing. The pattern is the path of least resistance in a social-media environment where unfollowing is a deliberate act that the other person can see. Continuing to watch costs nothing and is invisible to most platforms beyond story views; sending a message costs the work of figuring out what to say. The orbit is the default state when the orbiter is curious about the other person's life and unwilling to do anything about it.

Why it bothers the orbited person

The asymmetry produces the harm. The orbited person is being watched without being engaged with, which sits closer to surveillance than to connection. It also keeps the relationship technically open, the orbited cannot fully move on because the orbiter is still, in some quiet way, present. Many people resolve orbiting by blocking the orbiter on the platforms in question, which closes the loop the orbiter declined to close.

What to do about an orbiter

If the orbit is unwelcome, mute or block on the relevant platform; the orbiter usually does not notice for weeks and rarely escalates. If the orbiter is someone the orbited would consider talking to, the move is to surface the asymmetry: I see you keep watching my stories, did you want to talk usually produces either real contact or a quick disengagement. Either outcome is preferable to the indefinite orbit.

Where it shows up around VibeLovely

Orbiting is part of the standard Modern Norms vocabulary.

References

• Iovine, A. (2018, April). The newest term for an ex who won't let go: orbiting. Man Repeller / Vox.
• LeFebvre, L. E., Allen, M., Rasner, R. D., Garstad, S., Wilms, A., & Parrish, C. (2019). Ghosting in emerging adults' romantic relationships: the digital dissolution disappearance strategy. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 39(2), 125-150.
• Anderson, M., et al. (2020). The virtues and downsides of online dating. Pew Research Center.
• American Psychological Association. Social media and relationship closure. apa.org/monitor